This week was really tough. I am experiencing some of the hardest life lessons a person can go through, but I am strong and will pull through it.
Monday we had Lesson 2 with Enimia and her family. Webb and I didn't eat anything all day, so by the time we finished with Enimia, we were really hungry. As we said the closing prayer and got up to leave, Enimia stopped us and asked if we wanted to eat anything. That was kind of cool. I have been feeling lately that we need to get closer to this family, so we stayed. It was nice to slow down and eat her amazing Mexican food:)
Tuesday we had an exchange with the Parma sisters, I stayed in Ontario with Sister Robinson and Webb went to Parma with Smith! We had the opportunity to teach both Miriam and Eva Lesson 3. They are progressing well and we are so excited to see them get baptized. There was also a really cool miracle in Parma, so this was a successful exchange.
Wednesday we exchanged back because we needed to get things prepared for Miriam's baptism on Saturday. We got the invitations made, the programs all printed out, contacted all the missionaries involved in teaching her, got the font scheduled, we had an extra hard time contacting the building coordinator to get the building reserved but we finally got that locked down. It seemed like it was just too good to be true, when we got a text from Miriam's mom asking us to hold off on the invitations because she wanted to speak with us more. Well, this got us super nervous, because it was already Wednesday and the baptism is on Saturday and we need to get people informed in the branch if we want anybody to come. Her mom then told us that she won't be able to meet with us until Friday. We kept imagining all of our hard work crushed! We were mostly frustrated that Satan is always present before all of our baptisms! Anyway, Friday came and we went over to talk to Yuriana, Miriam's mom. We said a special prayer earlier for the Lord to give us the strength and the courage to say what needed to be said and if it isn't the right time, then we would understand and keep working toward that end. We had a nice talk, but like I said earlier, it was too good to be true. We are going to keep visiting with Miriam and teaching her until Yuriana feels like she is ready. The baptism isn't officially called off (thank goodness) it is just postponed for now. As I hugged Yuriana goodbye, she quietly whispered, thank you for understanding. All is well, it is not the end of the world, even though is sure felt like it.
Thursday we had weekly planning after a couple of service hours at the Mills. Webb and I ended up talking about our leadership roles. Being an STL really stresses me out because a lot of the time I don't feel like the leader I should be. Inadequacy gets to me hard core. In this position, I am learning that not everybody is going to like me especially when I have sisters with personalities that are complete opposite of mine...It's like high school all over again!! I really appreciate Webb and her ability to not pre-judge people and give unbiased counsel. I decided to take a shower after our long discussion and this is where I just broke down and had a long crying session as I wrestled with the Lord. I asked questions like 'Why am I not the leader I want to be?' 'Why can't they just accept me as their STL?' And then came the tender mercy I needed to hear: It was a gentle reminder from the Lord: "I didn't call you to fail, I called you because you would try. Don't you think that Adam, Abraham, Moses, etc felt inadequate? These men became great leaders through their complete and utter humility." This sweet and tender moment brought me to my knees. I have no idea why I was asked to serve in this position, but I can tell y'all that I have never seen my faults so clear, so clear that it hurts to look in the mirror. But yet, I have never seen so many miracles come from a change in my personality. Earlier in my mission, my dependency on the Lord was all about Spanish, now I see how He is changing my character. I have never felt this much capacity to love others- I have it because as their leader I have to love them through their faults; not just working alongside as a regular missionary. Then I thought about something I had never thought before: Before the Atonement, Christ was willing to sacrifice because he first loved us. He learned what it was really like to feel pain & sorrow because of his love for us during the grueling hours of his Atonement. Just like Christ, we learn to really come to love those we serve during our greatest trials. This being said, I am going to try my absolute best to be the leader that He needs me to be, even if it means being utterly humble- and losing myself, they are worth my love. With His help, anything is possible.
Friday we had a branch activity at President Montgomery's ranch. It was super cold and not many people showed up because it had rained earlier. It was still a lot of fun. Saturday we helped the Mills move, I am going to miss them!!
Welp familia, I love y'all!!
And don't forget, there is a sister missionary in Ontario that is praying for you!
Hermana Moss:)
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| We worked hard! |
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| So tired! |
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